Dear, Ezra.

Mama and Papa have been looking forward to this date for the past three months. Today is supposed to be the day that they officially announce to everyone that they have you. That you’ve been secretly nesting in Mama’s womb — a sneaky little Tadpolly.

But things did not work out as planned. A week ago, you ceased to breathe.

Mama can still remember it clearly — seeing you on the monitor, eerily calm and stationary. The doctor asked Mama to hold her breath for ten counts just to see if you will flinch. Mama willingly obeyed while silently talking to you..

“Come on, baby.. say hi to Mama…”

“Baby, you can do it. Mama is here. Don’t be shy..”

“Baby, please… please breathe for Mama..”

By the tenth time, Mama could no longer hold her breath for ten counts. She already knows something is wrong. She already knows what the doctor would say: “There’s no heartbeat”.

Mama wanted to hug you right then and there but all she could do is to grab her belly and cry. If only she could stop breathing so you could, she would. But things simply don’t work that way…

Ezra, you would have been perfect. Mama and Papa would have been the proudest the day you were born. But you, my dear, are not for this Earth. You are not meant to live a human life with Mama and Papa. You are meant to be an angel who will guard them, waiting for them in the heavens when the right time comes…

Ezra at 6 weeks. The day when we first (and last) saw his heart beat…