The Romanticism of A Love That Was Lost

I would like to start this article by throwing caution at the wind and saying that of all topics of conversation, it is about LOVE that trumps everything else.

And when we talk about love, it’s almost always either of these three: the First, the Great, and The One That Got Away.

The First is always a reminder of our fresh brush at love. Everything’s sweet, everything feels right, but not even this innocent feeling can help us overcome the obstacles of our adulthood. And so, we part.

The Great is always a reminder of how powerful of a feeling love really is. Where The First is all about the highs, The Great has the lows, too. A sort of conflict is involved and this, along with the euphoric feeling of passionately loving and being passionately loved in return, contributes to its flair.. its drama. Overtime, the drama gets too much of the love that we decide to just let go. And so, we part.

The One That Got Way is always a reminder of how capable we are to love but equally incapable to fight for it and commit to it. If you look back, there really is nothing wrong about the relationship. At least, nothing wrong that we can’t really fix. But why did we let go? Why did we part? Because our internal conflict was too much at that time that it ate up whatever fight we have to continue loving. And so, we part.

But why then do we tend to look back at our could haves and would haves as if they’re the best chapters of our lives? So much so that we tend to miss enjoying our current chapter to the fullest. Or worse, tend to undermine it.

If you put our past romances in a microscope and just be totally objective about it, you’ll realize (and hopefully accept) the cracks and nuances of what you have put in a pedestal. The relationship was stuck on the honeymoon phase before it even really hits reality. Reality like waking up to their morning breaths, sleeping through their snores, navigating through your personal messes… and helping each other get out of them. Him fighting for you, and you fighting back for him; with the rest of the people who matter rooting for you two to win against the hurdles of life.

Everything happens for a reason, they say. And this is true about our past heartbreaks, too. There’s a perfectly reasonable explanation why we never ended up with The First, The Great, and The One That Got Away — they are not The Right for us.

The Right is that one love that could and should make you stop thinking of and pining on the other three.

I know that our past experiences, including relationships, should give us lessons in life to make us prepare for the future. But they shouldn’t be totally defining and dictating our present.

Who knows? Your current chapter could be very well your epilogue, too.


Reminiscin’ 2013

In one of my earlier posts for the year, I complained about how seemingly lackluster my 2013 was. Sure I didn’t travel or made this major investment for my future or furthered my education by taking post-graduate studies — things that people my age normally do these days.

But then I realized that I was looking at the wrong direction in my life. I was too busy looking for the things that I didn’t do that I failed to remember all the small but great things that I did. And so, let me give you a listicle of the 5 most important things that I did and experienced last 2013 (just so you know that I’m not, in any way, justifying my way of life last year. Haha!):

1. Starred in a Music Video

OK. ‘Star’ may be a big word given that I only appeared for less than 20 seconds in the video and at the very end of it, mind you. But hell! It was a fun experience especially since it is for one of my favorite bands, Your Imaginary Friends.

Was really stoked that I got that text from my friend and the band’s vocalist, Ahmad. He was looking for friends who are willing to be stupid with them for a day and be bribed with Amber’s spaghetti and pichi-pichi. Who can say no that? I didn’t mind the waiting, the hot spotlights, and the take after take after take during the shoot. YIF is a happy bunch even when they’re not on stage and they’re kakulitan is so contagious!

Don’t believe me? Check out this video for yourself. 😀

Baby, You’re Going to Hell is part of their second EP Your Silence is a Villain. You can still buy or stream the digital album via bandcamp. DO NOT resist the urge and SAY yes to pop!

2. Pixiefied

Getting a pixie has always been a recurring thought whenever I am due to have a haircut but I never went through with it. Given that, I really can’t say that it was a spontaneous decision. But how I came about to chopping 3/4 of my locks  WAS. I woke up early one September morning prepping for a friend’s wedding when I suddenly had the urge to go to the salon. On the way I told myself, “I am getting a pixie today. Nothing and no one can stop me.”

And so off I went to the cutter and showed him a picture of the pixie cut that I wanted. He looked at me and said, “Ang ikli nyan, Ma’am…” (“It’s too short, Ma’am”). I replied “I know” with a smile then went off mobile surfing, careful not to look him in the eye again. I was avoiding the derogatory statements that I know would come once we started with THE small talk. The one wherein he would tell me how it will not suite my heavyset face, how I would appear 5x fatter than my usual fattiness, and how it would make me look like a lesbian.

30 mins after, I breezed off the salon feeling like a load was lifted off my head and shoulders, walking with a certain bounce. It’s true what they say. It can be very liberating… a breathe of fresh air. My confidence sure did surged up a notch higher!

Yes, it is polarizing. Some love it and a lot more hate it; but I don’t mind. It’s high time that I stop thinking too much about what others think and think about what I think and what I want. I love this new ‘do and I’m going to keep it for a long time. 🙂

3. Smoking a Cold Turkey

Quit smoking — I finally did. For good! It was amazing how it happened actually. I was in the middle of my 4th or 5th stick of the day when I suddenly decided that I wanted to quit. Next thing I know, I was throwing the half-finished cig on the ground and crushing it with my toes — forever ending a nasty habit that I was battling to stop ever since I started.

To be honest, I had a single relapse several months after my supposed to be epiphany. It wasn’t a withdrawal. More of proving to the kabataan that I was having drinks with that I can still be a badass. I regretted it the morning after. BIG TIME. I told myself that quitting ain’t quitting if you’ll take the occasional puff whenever you feel like it. I was doing so well with my recovery only to have it in smokes by smoking. Pun intended. And really? Doing something to impress the kids? I’m too old for that shit. I would find this the hard way, as we were driving on our way home. You may call it resolution karma.

And so my second epiphany began. I went cold turkey on the habit ever since. I’m off of nicotine for 6 months now.. 12 if I’ll forget that single relapse but who am I kidding?

4. Cotton-versary with Mr. Polly

Yes, we turned two! Amazing how time flies… It was not too long ago when I met Christian whom I’ve always considered as one of the greatest blessings in my life. He came to me when I least expected it — just about the time when I was losing hope that I would meet an imperfect person who could be perfect with an equally imperfect person like me.

Last year was for paper, and so the scrapbook
This year’s for cotton, so here’s what I took
Cotton candies for two
Purple for me and blue for you. 

5. Nothing beats family!

I am really glad that we started and ended the year on a high note. My family has always been a tight bunch but it felt so much stronger this year. I cannot really pinpoint a big change. It was more on the small changes that we’ve embraced as a family. I became more open to my parents, whom we adorably refer to as The Masters; even about things that I usually shy from like my spiritual maturity. My brother and I hasn’t had a single fight in years and we can now talk about mature things as comfortably as when we talk about Game of Thrones or The Walking Dead. My brother has sacrificed a lot of things for me and I owe him a lot for that. My sister and I have started to accept our differences and avoided our tempers to get in the way of healthy communication, making us learn how to listen to each other and to prove our points without raising our voices.

I love my family to death and I am determined to spend much more time with them this year. I am excited for our plans and I will make sure that we get to accomplish them one after another.

There you go!

I wasn’t really planning on sharing these publicly, much more write about it, but I’m glad I did. It helps to be reminded of the little blessings and accomplishments in your life from time to time. Only then can you be really thankful, persevere to do more, and be a better version of yourself year after year after year. 🙂