Kiss the Rain

It was an ordinary day, with the mundane, typical grind of a Thursday afternoon. She went for a walk to escape from the stress at work. She loves taking walk breaks to unwind, get refreshed, and most especially to escape. Escape from reality, escape from the dull pain in her chest that just wouldn’t go away.

It was an ordinary day, with the mundane, typical grind of a Thursday afternoon. Except it wasn’t. It was the day, two weeks ago, that they chose to walk away, to their own separate ways. Away from each other, away from mutual destruction. He loves taking walk breaks to unwind, to get refreshed, and most especially to escape. Escape from his own demons, escape from the dull pain in his chest that persistently stays.

Through walking, she allows herself to immerse in rhetoric — answering the questions and questioning the answers. Through walking, she allows herself to reminisce. The small, cumulative moments that made the past months special. All his gestures, seemingly minute to some, but helped affirmed her worth, helped manifest her wish to be loved and cared for.

Through walking, he allows himself to get lost in his thoughts so he can eventually get clarity. Through walking, he allows himself to remember so he can eventually forget. The small, cumulative moments that made the past months special. All the gestures, seemingly minute to some, but really going out of his way just to see and make her feel safe and cared for.

Lost in their own daydreams, they didn’t notice the rain beginning to fall. It’s silver, liquid drops falling from the grey skies in quick successions.

As other people rushed about, trying to avoid the rain, she allowed herself to be immersed in it. The rain gaining momentum, she soon became drenched but she didn’t mind. She was reminded how much she loves the rain. She looked up at the grey skies and closed her eyes. Parting her mouth ever so slightly, she let the raindrops touch her lips, imagining it was his lips touching hers. And she smiled.

As other people rushed about, trying to avoid the rain, he looked for a shed where he can be safe and dry. He listened to the rhytmic pitter patter on the roof of the shed and was reminded of her and her fondness of the rain. She revels in it whereas he thinks its messy and course, and just a general hassle to your everyday activities. He watched as the rain gained momentum, white splashes now dancing on the streets and pavements. As if by invisible force, he found himself walking towards the open and letting himself be drenched by it. The raind drops now touching his lips, he parted his mouth ever so slightly, imagining it was her lips touching his.

He opened his eyes and found himself walking again. He knows not where to go exactly. He just felt that he needed to go somewhere. Somewhere safe, somewhere familiar, somewhere that feels like home.

Somewhere…

…the vision in front of him made him stop on his tracks.

She closed her mouth, allowing herself to go back to reality. As she slowly opened her eyes, she saw a vision that made her heart skip a beat.

She smiled a sad, nostalgic smile.

He smiled back.

Kindled Spirit

The initial idea of buying a Kindle got my eyes rolling to ceiling and back. My sister, who can’t shut up about hers, has been bugging me for months to get one. And for months, I refused.

Why? Because of all the familiar reasons: I love the physicality of books — the smell, the flipping of pages, the weight, the cover art, even the act of going inside a bookstore and choosing what to buy.

However, it came to a point where the very reasons I love reading are the very reasons that kept me from reading.

Being a working mom, the only real me time that I have is in the evenings, while I’m putting my baby to sleep. Before the baby, I have successfully limited my mindless phone scrolling before going to bed, my social media screen time, and feeling sorry for myself because all my friends have these fantastic lives.

But when you have a baby latched on to you in the middle of the dark, with nothing but your nightlight and your phone, it’s inevitable to fall back into old, bad habits. It did not get out of hand but it got me bored. It got me so bored that it got me irritable when my baby is having a hard time sleeping. So, ignoring my sister’s “I told you so” triumphant smile, I succumed and got myself one. 

It’s a pre-loved Paperwhite 4 10th Gen in black, but still works perfectly. Not a dent or a scratch.

It turned out to be one of my best purchases of 2021!

And it actually got me out of my reading hiatus hibernation. In just a span of 5 months, I was able go read 12 books in total! My Goodreads is active once more and I found myself enjoying writing book reviews.

As much as I love the whole experience of reading an actual book, my Kindle gave me the thing that I need the most right now that no other book can: convenience

Most importantly, it got me back to one of my favorite hobbies: reading.

It’ll take a while before I start reading an actual book again. Aside from the light limitation, I can’t bring myself to think about crumpled and/or torn pages courtesy of the litol one’s very curious hands. So for now, I’m thankful that I have my Kindle with me.

22 Minutes to 2022

Letting go and taking full control of myself — this is my mantra for 2022.

I’m letting go of all the junk — junk in my mind, junk in my body, and junk in my soul. For anything that festers in the mind will manifest in the body and will eventually destroy the soul.

I need to guard my thoughts. I need to accept that  some will hurt you but it doesn’t mean that you need to hurt them back. Sometimes, the best thing to do is to just walk away. For sometimes, fighting for something, asking questions, and seeking answers will do more harm than good. 

I need to refocus on my well-being. I’ve come this far and I don’t want it to be all for nothing. I remember when I was so disciplined because I was motivated, and I was motivated because I was disciplined. I’ve slipped but it doesn’t mean that I can’t get back on track.

I need to protect my soul. For once the soul is crushed, it’ll be hard to find yourself again. It happened to me once; I don’t want it to happen again. I need to remind myself that my happiness should not be the cause of someone’s grief. And that my triumphs should not be considered by anyone as their loss. I can’t be sorry all the time.

This may sound bleak but it’s actually hopeful. This may sound selfish but it’s actually self-preservation.