I had my year end performance review with my manager today. My performance evaluation was better than I expected so it was, generally, a pleasant conversation.

One thing that makes me fearful of next year is my availability. And with this unavailability comes the fear of being out of loop and not getting involved. I highlighted this to my manager and I was reassured that with proper planning and build, we can survive my 3-month-or-so hiatus.

And then he told me this: When it comes to career and motherhood, you don’t have to choose. With proper guidance and support, working mothers don’t need to choose. Working mothers shouldn’t choose between between being a good parent and being an excellent employee.

But is it as easy as it sounds? Can we really achieve work life balance, no, work life harmony when day-in and day-out we are met with challenges that are out of our control? Challenges such as toddler tantrums and morning sickness, all while trying to ensure that we deliver our MVPs within the aligned project timelines. Unforeseen circumstances such as sudden ER rush due to a sick baby while you’re also trying to nurse your regular heartburns and the never ending feeling of throwing up that just doesn’t materialize. Worrying about your baby’s eating habits and sudden aversion to vitamins while managing a group of adults who, unfortunately, act like babies themselves.

Is it as easy as it sounds?

It may sound petty excuses for some, especially the non-mothers. Or worse… the mothers who can just miraculously pull everything off.

But the reality is, this is my reality: a feeling of being hurdled into one task after the other without the feeling of accomplisment. The feeling of being too busy but very unproductive. The feeling of being out of loop and being incompetent.

Forgive me, it’s just one of those days. I’ll feel better tomorrow when I had my morning tea and sunshine on my face.