DiaTRIBE: Part 1

Human beings are curious creatures. The more I get to know them, the more I realize that they are just the same as any common animal operating in groups. They thrive in numbers and alter their behavior, from the slight to the grand, when they are with different companies.

Their collective behavior is amusing to me. The alpha would always establish dominance, and the rest will follow. The minions would most likely hold a secret contempt against the alpha but rarely do I see one truly stand up against the alpha and not care shit about what it would do to his status within group. Especially if the alpha has a Balenciaga.

Monkey see, monkey do. An old passage but still very true. Don’t we just wish that one day it’ll pertain to something positive?

In my continuous observance, they fit right into the mold of the four proposed functions of animal group behaviour, both the good and the bad:

1. Social Interaction

Studies show that animals operating in groups become highly stressed when isolated. Same is true with most humans, don’t you agree? Everyone wants to be happy but only if they belong to the happy group. If they aren’t, they immediately feel contempt towards that group. They might even form a group of their own and do everything that they can to look happier than the former happy group. They always feel the need to establish dominance.

On the other hand, some would declare that they are perfectly happy being alone. It’s part of being an intorvert, they say. But they have this nagging feeling whenever they dine out solo surrounded by couples and other groups. This, after getting a weird look from the waiter who just can’t believe that dining solo is pefectly normal. And some actually prefer it from time to time. Thus the need to declare to social media the happiness of me-time complete with a beautifully filtered flatlay.

I’m telling you. Humans are weird.

2. Protection from Predators

Who here has always thought that animals gather in group as an attempt at teamwork?

Yeah, me too.

Together we stand, divided we fall.

But have you heard about the selfish herd theory? It states that animals gather in group not because they wanted to work together but they wanted to put another individual from the pack in between him and the predator. Thus, decreasing the chances of getting hunted himself. Their natural instinct is to use a fellow herder as an anti-predatory lifevest.

Sneaky, right? Reminds you of some people you know?

Yeah. Me too.

Those who work with you not because they want to and they think you’re valuable BUT just so they’ll have someone to blame when things go to shit?

Yeah. Me too.


NOTE TO READERS: This is a diatribe meant to poke fun on the annoying people that we encounter in our lives and the weird wiring of the human psyche. These snarks’ main goal is to elicit a good-natured chuckle from even the most sensitive person who’d think that this article is all about him/her.

Any resemblance to actual persons that we mutually know and/or actual events that we both experienced may be coincidental.


 

Up Next: Enhanced Foraging and Increased Locomotion Efficiency

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